WTF is the point of this blog.... LOL

Ok maybe I took the criticism too hard....I loathe criticism.  Who doesn't but I take it to heart and while 90% of the time I am not sensitive.....the 10% that I am OHHHH boy.....well I read the criticism to my sister and she was like....uh it's nothing bad they are just asking you questions....so I guess I understand what they were trying to say.....
So I will take what they said and apply some of it to the blog and my life.

But my take is this...yea I have cancer....but I'm not going to dwell on it........my sister articulated very well:

I have cancer, but the cancer doesn't have me. 

Meaning....I will talk about my treatment and other cancer related things....but I am not nor is this blog meant to be a WOE IS ME I have cancer feel sorry for me. 

I want people to realize that if you have cancer deal with it. Straight on but don't let it become your whole life.  If you want sex and are physically able to do it then fucking do it....Cancer is not an STD....do positions that won't injure you but by all means get it in. It'll will help relieve some of the stress that having cancer will undoubtedly cause. 

Then later I talked to one of my besties......and she knows about my lust for my co-worker and the fucked up situation he is in...and were both on the ok if maybe true but.....I won't go into the situation just trust me it's fucked up and any woman would need to go into any type of situation w/him with their eyes wide open and their heart locked and closed. That was basically the just of the conversation.  She understands what I mean when I say I sometimes need a male friend that when this cancer and the rest of life gets me down I can just cry on their chest or on their shoulder.  

I can't really do that w/my mom or sister because it will cause them to cry which will make me feel bad for making them cry....they are waaaay more emotional than I am and I truly do not need that. I wanna just cry and even if shit won't be ok.....just rub me on my back and tell me it will be ok.

She wants me to be happy and she feels bad that I am the only single one in our close group of friends.....I've talked and dated people and honestly I really don't know if it's me, them or both but it never goes anywhere.  One theory is that I was telling potential mates to quickly of my illness. Another theory is that we just didn't match.

I really don't know I just know I really am tired of being alone.  I'm tired of sporadic sex.  I want a friend, a confidant, and a compatible lover.

I've tried dating sites......and frankly they freak me out....I know it's really no different than meeting a dude on the street but.....it still freaks me out.

IDK.....I just need to get the fuck out the house....I joined a site called meetup.com...so we'll see where this goes....if all else fails I'll meet some cool people.