Dating

I'm currently thinking about interviewing a white dude for the position of maintance man {MM (see glossary for definition).  One of my friends says I need to interview for a boyfriend and this is the truth (I love it when friends tell the truth fuck your feelings, that's a good friend) and she's right I should be interviewing for a boyfriend.  I however think at this point I'm not going to find a boyfriend.  

I know, I know....I shouldn't speak this into existence but I'm tired of having first dates....maybe second dates....but then it goes no fucking where.....(SN: I like the curse word fuck because it gets your point across.) So anyways I talked to a couple of friends both male and female.  

I told my one male friend who is friend I happen to have sex with but neither of us have a desire to be more than friends.  Well anyway....I told him I think I've been telling men to quick that I have an illness.  Even before the myeloma spreading....I still had it and I was going to get to do the Autologous bone marrow transplant until I was in my 40's because it kills the eggs in the ovaries.  

My therory was:  If I was with a person for 6 years we were talking marriage left me because of my illness, my mother and the fact that I may not be able to give him a child.  Then I should tell a man upfront that I had cancer then he can leave before I get my heart broke again.....

My friend said....and I know he is right but I really don't want to feel that heartache again.  It was a horrible feeling and typing about it is making me feel sad becaue I was devasted it was like the cherry on top of digusting fucking sundae. 

His Advice: 

Take your time have fun and be cautious. 

Don't look towards the future look at the moment.

Have fun live your life.

When it's time then do it.

Great advice right? But I can't even get past the first fucking date....maybe I talk to much...maybe I'm too sarcastic....I really don't know what the fuck the issue is. '

So that is why I'm interviewing for an MM....I haven't had sex in 6 months.....masturbating is for the birds....Yeah I get off but there is nothing like a man giving you the extreme business.....

YES LAAAAWD!!!!

So the long and short of it is yes I do want a boyfriend but I don't think I'll have one....so while I'm looking I'll interview for a MM so I can relieve some stress.